Interlude: How Do You Deal with Loss?

This morning I drifted on a breeze carrying my grandmother's voice. I could hear her perfectly and listened to the sound of her voice- not exactly what she was saying but how she sounded as she spoke. How the words spun out of her mouth in that uniquely Mid-Massachusetts/Scottish something she had.

When I awoke, I found I couldn't get out of bed. My back hurt so much, I couldn't even roll over. And then I remembered my Grandmother rubbing my back once, when it was sore while I was visiting. And I felt frozen with pain. I miss her so much and feel her loss every day. I think of the things I wish I could tell her and the things she'd understand about me. About the way I am. But she's gone. And why does that hurt so much? Why are we wired to love and then grieve losing that love? And why does it get harder? The older you get, the more you lose. How can we make sense of this loss and find the half-filled glass of life without seeing what's spilling out of that glass?

If anyone has any tips to share, I'd sure appreciate them.

And now, as my back begins to loosen up and I can move, I've once again lost the sound of my grandmother's voice. It's in my heart, but I can't quite seem to catch it in the air.

I love you Granny, wherever you are.